I needed to ask myself, if while making amends to this person or place, should it not go directly as planned, am I still willing to accept the terms? Sometimes you might not get the results you thought you would get, and you need to be willing to accept that. There may be people to whom you already know you will not be able to make amends. Just because this is true, it is still important not to leave these individuals off your list.

Each day I ask my Higher Power for the strength to help me stay sober and live responsibly and with honesty. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me, but if not, I understand. Direct amends are not always possible or practical, but that doesn’t mean the individual is unable to demonstrate changed behavior.

Step 9 of AA: Make Amends With Those You’ve Harmed

Thankfully, there are tips you can take to help make your living amends permanent and lasting. Living amends look different for everyone, depending on the specific negative behavior patterns you have identified while working the 12 Steps. Determining the most impactful living amends will require a great deal of honesty. A qualified behavioral therapist can help you identify the areas of your life that need attention. Living amends refers to the ways in which you change how you live your life in recovery or “walking our talk.” These changes affirm your commitment to the direct or symbolic amends you made with others.

I am very sorry for stealing money out of your desk in order to fund my drug habit last year. Remembering how I stole from you makes me sad and fills me with shame. While I did these things in active addiction, that does not take away from how wrong they were, and the pain and sense of betrayal you must have felt as a result of my actions. Clearly, faith-based programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous are not for everyone. Although millions of people claim to have found lasting recovery in AA, the spiritual aspect of the program can be a stumbling block for some who wish to stop drinking.

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An open meeting is open to the public, while a closed meeting is for members only. Making your list of amends shouldn’t be rushed, otherwise you may leave something out. Today, I know my words have value whether they pay attention or not.

Step Nine states that we make amends “except when to do so would injure them or others.” We don’t want our actions to cause further damage, harm or stress. In those cases, we can make amends in a broader sense by taking actions like donating money, volunteering our time or providing care. Undoubtedly, you, too, have a list of ways in which you want to live out your living amends, and that’s great! The more personalized your lifestyle changes are, the more they’re going to resonate and stick with you.

I’m In Recovery

They may visit family members and friends more often, set aside time to spend with their partner or donate their time to a worthy cause. Direct amends refers to going directly to the wronged individual, apologizing and taking whatever action is necessary to correct a situation. If an individual damaged someone else’s home while they were under the influence of drugs or alcohol, direct amends may require that they go to the https://ecosoberhouse.com/article/what-are-sober-living-homes/ property owner, apologize and repair damages. Those in recovery are encouraged to make direct amends whenever possible. AA members share their experience with anyone seeking help with a drinking problem; they give person-to-person service or “sponsorship” to the alcoholic coming to AA from any source. The AA program, set forth in the Twelve Steps, offers the alcoholic a way to develop a satisfying life without alcohol.

• By working through the list in Step 9 and making amends to each person named there, you will restore a piece of yourself with each conversation.
• Even so, you will have done all that you can to take responsibility for the past—and there’s a level of peace and freedom in that as well.
• They may refuse to meet at all or refuse to listen to what you have to say.
• When I first came to recovery, I was certain steps 8 and 9 would be a breeze.
• You need to find the approach that works best for you.

Call your local number for information on meetings in your area. The Central office, intergroup or answering service numbers throughout the world are available on the AA World Services living amends website. Why would there be some names on the list that you should not make amends to? If coming forward to make amends to someone may cause them harm, you should pass.